Imagine you are waiting in line to buy tickets to see your favorite band. Knowing tickets are limited and prices will rise quickly, you showed up four hours early. Unfortunately, so did everyone else. The line stretches for blocks and hasn’t moved since you arrived. It starts to rain. You are now close to Will Call when you notice three people jump ahead of you to join their friends, who appear to have been saving a spot for them. They talk loudly on their cellphones as you inch forward, following the slow procession of others waiting in line. You finally reach the ticket counter only to have the clerk tell you the show is sold out. You notice the loud group off to the side, waving their tickets in the air. At this exact moment, a fiery line of emotion shoots through your whole body. Your heart begins to race, and you feel the urge to either slam your hands on the counter or scream in the face of those you believe have slighted you. What are these feelings, and what will you do with them? After a serious disappointment or injustice how hard is it to keep control of your emotions?

Emotional intelligence (EI) involves the idea that cognition and emotion are interrelated. From this notion stems the belief that emotions influence decision making, relationship building, and everyday behavior. After spending hours waiting eagerly in the pouring rain and having nothing to show for it, is it even possible to squelch such intense feelings of anger due to injustice? From an EI perspective, emotions are active mental processes that can be managed, so long as individuals develop the knowledge and skills to do so. But how, exactly, do we reason with our emotions? In other words, how intelligent is our emotion system?

Emotional Intelligence, essentially, is ones ability to recognize or identify and then also regulate their own emotions. Emotional intelligence is also recognizing or identifying emotions that others may be feeling and being able to feel empathy for others. Being able to use these skills can help someone communicate effectively and build strong and healthy relationships with others.

For a long time, our society has placed a great deal of emphasis on IQ. If one has a high IQ, it is commonly associated with academic success and professional and personal success. However, in more recent times, the importance of a high EQ (that is, emotional intelligence quotient) has been recognised. Some psychologists believe that standard measures of intelligence (IQ scores) are too narrow. They do not encompass the full range of human intelligence.

The most fulfilled people in life are not always the smartest. EQ is the factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. There is no link between EQ and IQ. Those with a low IQ might have really high EQ. The level of one cannot be used to predict the level of the other. EQ and IQ are separate matters. Personality is also not a predictor of EQ levels. Someone who is really outgoing might have low levels of EI. They might only talk about themselves, say offensive things, fail to see when others are upset, and be unable to control their temper.

Research has shown that even those with really high IQ scores do not always do well in life. This is often due to the way in which these people behave, think and communicate – or their lack of EQ. those with high EQ tend to do better in life than those with low EQ even if their IQ is only average. In fact, people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. Those whoa re brilliant will find it hard to succeed in their work and personal lives if they cannot form relationships with others, regulate their emotions, communicate with others or recognise how their emotions can impact on others.

Signs that people have a high EQ include:

·       Being able to collaborate effectively with others

·       Focusing on the positive

·       Looking for solutions to problems

·       Doing what is within one’s control

·       Being assertive

·       Being able to set boundaries

·       Being forward thinking

·       Being able to let go of the past

·       Looking for ways to make life more fun, happy and interesting

·       Avoiding self-destructive and negative behaviours

·       Being curious about people who are not known

·       Enjoying meeting new people

·       Asking others lots of questions about themselves

·       Being a natural leader

·       Being aware of own strengths and weaknesses

·       Knowing how to pay attention to their work

·       Knowing how to pay attention to others

·       Knowing why they are upset (knowing where their emotions come from)

·       Being able to get along with most people

·       Having fulfilling relationships

·       Trying to be a good / moral person

·       Taking time to help others

·       Being good at reading other people’s facial expressions and body language

·       Being a good judge of character

·       Being self-motivated

·       Understanding links between feelings, action and behaviour

·       Being reflective or learning from experience

·       Accepting of feedback

·       Offering assistance to others

·       Being skilled at persuasion

·       Sending clear and convincing messages

·       Being effective at give-and-take

·       Listening well

·       Seeking mutual understanding

·       Handling difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact

·       Cultivating and maintaining extensive informal networks

·       Seeking out relationships that are mutually beneficial

·       Having a sense of humour about oneself

·       Being self-confident

·       Willingness to voice views that are unpopular and going out on a limb for what is right

·       Being able to manage disruptive emotions and impulses

·       Staying focused under pressure

·       Being trustworthy

·       Behaving ethically

·       Being reliable

·       Meeting commitments and keeping promises

·       Holding oneself accountable for meeting objectives

·       Being able to manage change

·       Learning how to improve performance

·       Making sacrifices to meet a larger goal

·       Mobilising others through unusual, enterprising efforts

·       Being optimistic

·       Persisting in seeking goals despite obstacles and setbacks

·       Operating from hope of success rather than fear of failure

·       Seeing setbacks as due to manageable circumstance rather than a personal flaw

A study was carried out that tested EI alongside 33 other important workplace skills and found that EI is the stronger predictor of performance, explaining 58% of success in all types of jobs. EQ is the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence. This is not to say that people without high EI will never succeed, but it significantly reduces the chances. They might have to develop skills in other areas.

People who have high levels of EI have been found to make more money – an average of $29,000 more per year than people with a low degree of EI. IQ and technical skills do matter as jobs cannot be done without them. However, in most workplaces, everyone has some skill sets – that is why they were hired. EQ can set a person apart from the pack. The higher the workers go up the ladder, the more their EI. In a study comparing those who excelled in senior leadership roles with those who were merely average, it was found that almost 90% of the difference in their profiles was due to EI, rather than cognitive ability. Many employers use EQ tests as part of the hiring process. EI is something more and more companies are looking for.

Locus of Control

Locus of control refers to our beliefs about our own power in our lives. Essentially, do you believe that you are in control of your choices? Or do you feel that some other power is in control?

Having a strong internal locus of control – or a strong understanding that YOU are in charge of your choices, life, and destiny – is a key factor in success. That does not mean you won’t be successful if you do not have a strong locus of control yet. In fact, your locus of control can continually be improved – but you need to do the work. See: you are in control of your own destiny.

Locus of control measures evaluate which forces individuals believe to be controlling their lives, or specific aspects of their lives. People with an internal locus of control believe that their own actions determine the rewards that they obtain, while those with an external locus of control believe that their own behaviour doesn’t matter much and that rewards in life are generally outside of their control. This matters for outcomes: for example, people with an external locus of control tend to be more stressed and prone to clinical depression.

An external locus of control is where one feels that fate, luck, and other factors outside of their control are guiding and controlling their life.

An internal locus of control is where one feels that their own choices, decisions, and efforts are guiding and determining their life.

Having an internal locus of control can lead to success and help an individual preserve through difficult times.

So how can you improve your locus of control and develop and strong internal locus of control?

1. Be aware of your role in a situation and consider alternatives.
   • • For example, an individual with an external locus of control may say, “I failed my Math class because my teacher talked too fast, never asked if I had questions, and didn’t tell me what I did wrong on the tests.”
     • An individual with an internal locus of control would rephrase that. They may say, “I failed my Math class because I didn’t stop the teacher to ask questions, I didn’t seek out a tutor in the campus tutoring center, I didn’t review the right material for exams, I skipped the homework often, and I did not schedule time to meet with my instructor after exams to go over my wrong answers.”
     • In the second scenario, the student is recognizing what THEY are in control of in a situation and also identifying ways they can work to better their situation. The student in the first scenario simply feels like a victim and sees only the outside forces as contributors to their failure – not their own choices.
2. Determine what your values and personal beliefs are.
   • • Make sure your actions and choices match your core beliefs. Evaluate your past choices and decisions. Which ones are you the most proud of? This can help you figure out your core values and personal beliefs – and help you make choices in the future that lead you toward your goals and success.
3. Embrace failure
   • • Instead of seeing failure as a negative, use it as a way to improve. Our lives are full of ups and downs. The good parts wouldn’t be as great if they were always good, and our successes would not be as sweet if we did not have failures as well. Working hard for something and achieving a reward is an excellent feeling, but there will be times we fail as well. Evaluate those failures and think about what you could do differently next time. Use these as a way to improve and grow.
4. Recognize that there are always choices
   1. • Evaluate current and past situations and think about the choices available to you. What choices did you make and what other choices could you have made? If you find yourself in a different situation, consider the available options. Use your critical thinking skills to evaluate different choices. Ask for help and seek out opinions. Recognize, also, that inaction or not making a choice is a decision also. Being aware of your role in a situation and your choices can empower you and help you strengthen your internal locus of control.

Having a strong internal locus of control will help you be more successful and will empower you to take control of your life and choices.